The original copy was all about Moon Lodge and the people who run it. There was nothing to draw you in and make you want to experience all they have to offer. Plus, the voice was very bland.

I decided to use visually imagery to draw the reader in and make them feel just how nice it would be to visit  Moon Lodge. Then I included some specifics to add credibility and help differentiate them from other spas.

Finally, I included a specific call to action (the phone number was listed directly below this paragraph to make it easy to call) and a reason to take action.

The end result was an ad that got read and got attention.

 

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Most small business owners don't really understand the difference between regular writing and copywriting. So I've included a couple before & after samples in my portfolio to help illustrate the difference.

Writing Samples

Copywriting

Before & After: Moon Lodge Spa "New Neighbor" Ad in local paper

After

Come for the Experience—Expect Results

Imagine yourself in a place of total tranquility—a peaceful place where soothing sounds and comfortable colors help you to unwind, and let the cares of the day slip off your shoulders. Imagine yourself at Moon Lodge Massage and Wellness Spa.

More than just another day spa, Moon Lodge treatments promote balance and wellness through all the cycles of your life. With more than 16 years of holistic healthcare training, new owners— and longtime Snoqualmie Valley residents—Patricia Baird, LMP, Joshua Sommer, LMP, have created a peaceful sanctuary featuring a vast array of natural and healthy treatments to rejuvenate your skin, relax your body, and restore your spirit.

Step inside our soothing spa and enjoy a wide variety of customizable cleansing and regenerative health therapies including world class massage, facials, body scrubs, hormone balancing and acupuncture. Moon Lodge also offers non-invasive Body Sculpting and Cellulite Reduction Massage programs with guaranteed results.

Call today to schedule your first treatment and mention this ad to receive a complimentary gift.

 

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Before

New owners of Moon Lodge massage & Natural Wellness Spa, Patricia Baird LMP and Joshua Sommer LMP, and staff invite you to visit. Josh and Patricia have 16 years of collective holistic healthcare training, in the Seattle area, and combine the best of cleansing and regenerative health therapies within the beautiful ambience of this sanctuary of the senses. Their foundational focus is to promote a natural healthy way to achieve wellness through all the cycles of our lives.

They and their globally trained therapists specializing in various and unique techniques to promote your relaxation and wellness through all forms of massage (including pre & post pregnancy massage), facials & body scrubs ( good enough to eat), cleansing therapies, hormone balancing, acupuncture, nutrition, and more.

Their latest service is Body Sculpting Massage (exercises and toes your skin while reducing cellulite, and increasing metabolism).

Confident we can help, we guarantee a 1 inch total loss on your first session or it’s free.
  ©2006 Success Stream